I Won't Let Go

With only one week of summer left, I'm beginning to realize that my girls will go back to only seeing me for an hour in the morning, 4-5 hours each evening, and weekends (and an hour a day of that time is spent in the car). I hate, hate, HATE this time of year. Since I've been through it before with Kenley, you'd think I'd be more prepared the 2nd time around. If anything, it's harder. I KNOW how fast my baby girls will grow up (without me), and it breaks my heart.

I am first, and foremost, MOMMY.

I am "Mrs. Johnson" second.

And I'm having an extremely hard time dealing with it this year.

(Video is best viewed in full-screen mode.)

Just Me and You

It's amazing how just getting out of the house and going to Meijer with my big girl puts me in a better mood. I enjoy my "Just me and you" time with Kenley...that's what she calls it when we get in the van w/out Kadey's carseat in tow. Cute. What else is cute is the conversation we had about 5 minutes from home....

Kenley: We got to go home and see Kadey.

Mommy: Why, do you miss Kadey?

K: Yeah. She's my sister.

M: Yep. She is.

K: I miss Daddy. and Madchie. and Kadey.

M: Well we'll see them soon. We're almost home. Daddy's with Kadey.

K: No! That's MY Daddy!

M: Yes, he's your daddy, but he's also Kadey's daddy.

K: No! MY Daddy! You have Kadey.

M: Oh, so Kadey has Mommy and you have Daddy?

K: Yeah. I need Daddy.

M: Don't you think Kadey needs a Daddy?

K: No. YOU have Kadey!

M: Ok. But I have you, too. I'm Kenley AND Kadey's mommy.

K: NO! You MY Mommy!

M: I thought you had Daddy?

K: No, Daddy have Kadey.

M: Ugh. Look. We're home.

K: Yay! Daddy!

We don't share well. Can you tell?

I Dream about Sleep in my Sleep

Just when I think I've got it all finally figured out, Kadey wakes up at 3 am...again. As mentioned in the previous post, we had it easy with Kenley . She was sleeping through the nights around 6 weeks old...and not just sleeping, but sleeping like a champ! She rocked it. 8-10 hours at a time. We should only be so lucky the second time around.

Kenley snoozin' away

I've tried everything. I started giving Kadey formula at night around 6 weeks. It "kind of" worked a couple nights, then it just didnt matter what I fed her. We were still up at 3.

I've put her in her crib, in her pack and play, and in her rock & play sleeper. So far...she does best in the sleeper. I'm sticking with it.

I've changed her dosing of her acid reflux medicine, giving it to her 3 times a day instead of 2. It got rid of her "noon scream session", but not her middle-of-the-night wide awake, party time.

I've swaddled - arms in, arms out, midnight unswaddle. One night it works, but the next night? Hellooo 3am.

I started rice cereal around 3.5 months. The first night, she slept like an angel. 8.5 unbelievable hours and I think she would have slept longer had it not been for Madchen's helicopter ears at 6am. The next night...same story (except this time she was awakened by big sister crying at 5 am. Yeah...our GOOD sleeper.) So after 2 nights of sleeping 8+ hours, I think, "It's the cereal! I finally figured it out!" Yeah...wrong!

Tonight's story (as I type this at 3:46 AM) - I'm having this weird dream where I run into a few of my "Southern Indiana Friends". (Backstory...all through college and beyond I dated this guy from S. Indiana. His best friends obviously became my best friends, but in the breakup he got to keep all the friends, and I just moved on and lost some pretty awesome connections.) So, I'm at this party. I run into Andy and Tina. The last time I saw them, they had just welcomed their 1st baby girl into the world. (They now have 2.) Andy offers to buy me a drink (which if you knew Andy...duh). Then I run into Brian and Kara. They show off their kids. (This part is blurry because although I think they have kids, I'm not sure.) Then I run into Pete. After the awkward introductions of spouses, he says to me, "I want what you've got." I look at him funny, and he points to Kenley standing next to me. "Yeah..well you can't have her, buddy." He said, "No, I want my sleep back." (They just had a baby not too long ago.) That's when I start to tell the horror stories invoving my little non-sleeper. But, as if she knew I was dreaming about her, who wakes me up in real life? Oh, hi Kadey. Hi, 3:04 am. Damn...here we go again.

My 2 Favorite Answered Prayers

In just 3 short months, I've come to realize my 2 girls couldn't be any different.

During pregnancy, Kenley caused me to gain 40+ pounds, many Non-stress tests late in pregnancy b/c she didn't move much (we found out later this was probably b/c of her cord being wrapped around her neck a few times), but was overall a wonderful 1st time pregnancy experience with no morning sickness.

Kadey, on the other hand, caused me bouts of nausea at approximately 4PM each day. I only gained 25 pounds with her, and she moved ALL the time.

Before Kenley was born, I was super nervous & scared. Would it hurt? Could I do it? What if something went wrong? Since Kenley was not moving much the last few weeks, I was scheduled to be induced 5 days before my due date. I remember being really excited to know MY doctor would be delivering. TJ and I had our "last supper" at Logan's, then headed to the hospital on Thursday night. I was given cervidil twice to begin labor (didn't work), and the next morning I started on pitocin. At 2 cm (I arrived the night before at 0cm/0%) I was given my epidural and my dr. broke my water. This was all around lunch time. Around 6 PM I was 10cm and 100% and ready to push, right?? Well...not until they found my doctor. They had me "wait" about an hour until she was done with another patient. I started pushing around 6:45. After many (MANY) attempts, the crazy "trapeze bar", and my epidural wearing off...the nurses decided maybe they should call the doctor in again. I had been pushing for over 2 hours. The dr. walked in, felt that Kenley was "hung up" on my pelvic bone and face up, fixed her, and I pushed again. And again. And again. Around this time, Kenley's heart rate dropped to around 40, the dr. got out the vacuum (which was never used), Kenley's HR jumped back up and I was told to PUSH....even though I wasn't contracting. My little baby was put on my chest at 9:05 PM, blue and not breathing. Being my first time ever giving birth, I just thought this was all kind of normal. Maybe a little crazy, but normal....right? Wrong. The next hour or two was a blur. They took her away from me, pumped air into her right there in front of me in the delivery room (which my mom told me later looked like a war zone), rushed her out (still not breathing and causing a "Code Pink" to be called throughout the entire hospital and police escorts and guards by the doors), all while I was hemorrhaging pretty bad and my doctor was trying to save ME! One of the nurses came in later to tell me Kenley was now breathing on her own, but needed to stay in the NICU in the oxygen tent for a while. I was told that once I could keep food down and got into my new room, I could go see her. Around midnight I got to see her, at 2am I got to hold her, and around 7 the next morning my precious little answered prayer was moved into my room.

Don't worry. Kadey's story is MUCH shorter! I told my dr. early on that I was not going to be induced since I felt that was the cause of many of my problems during Kenley's birth. At 39 weeks I was 4cm and 75%, and after much reassuring by my dr. that everything would go smoothly this time, I agreed to an induction...my way! No pitocin, no nubane, and no epidural until 7 or 8 cm. And that's pretty much how it went! Cervidil was placed at 8 and 11 AM, I was dialated to 6cm when my water was broken, and my epidural was given (through many HARD contractions) at 8cm...almost too late!! I started pushing about 30 minutes later, and 2-3 pushes later, at 1:57 PM, Kadey Maria was born! No rushing any babies to guarded NICU doors, no hemorrhaging on my part, and no concerned moms wondering if they should worry about their daughter surviving or their granddaughter. Kenley was introduced to her little sister about 20 minutes later, and I honestly felt I could have walked from my bed to my new room (if it wasn't for my rubber legs).

After Kenley was born, life was good. She did have a bout with colic for a few weeks, where it only comforted her when I carried her around in a sling. She was sleeping through the night around 6 weeks, and ate pretty well.

Kadey...well Kadey's been "fun". At 3 weeks, Kadey was diagnosed with acid reflux. It took her 4 weeks to get back to her birth weight. She would scream ALL THE TIME unless she was eating. I couldn't keep up with her demanding feeding schedule, so I began formula earlier than I did with Kenley. I had to try 2 different brands before I found one that didn't cause her tummy to hurt more. Kadey never spits up (another difference from Kenley), but you can just tell her tummy hurts. She would only sleep for a couple hours a time, sometimes up every hour in the middle of the night demanding feedings. At 3 months, she is getting much better. She now sleeps 6-7 hours each night, and as long as she has her medicine three times a day, she's a pretty content baby. But if she's hungry or without her medicine...watch out!

I am excited to see how Kadey will change as the year goes on. TJ seems to think she will be a super sweet little girl, while Kenley is our sassy one (she IS 2, though!). I think both my girls will have an equal dose of "sass". They are MY girls, after all. :)

Wait, what... A new post?!?!

Yeah....I tried to tell you I suck at blogging. I keep reading other blogs, and I realized I've become quite the slacker. BUT...I did have another kid. That counts for something, right??

Since I last wrote (6 short MONTHS ago!!!), we've had Christmas...

Family Photo before Church

We (DON'T) Love Santa!

She ate more M&M's than she put on the house.

Mmm...Cookies!

Kenley got her own "Dorothy" for Christmas. We went through about 15 fish. We're done now.

Sprinkling the Reindeer food.

Reading Polar Express

Gaga and her grandkids

Lots of snow....

Messy Treats....

Cupcakes!

Starkisses! (Has since become her FAVORITE treat...and my source of bribery.)

Making Whoopie Pies!

After a messy night...she had a bath, got on her jammies, then decided to go BACK in the bath! (FYI...Gaga was in charge of baths this night for Kenley AND Kendall. The water is usually drained.)

Sesame Street Live....

For her 2nd Birthday, we took Kenley to her first SSL show! :)

Daddy, Kenley and the $12 soccer ball she HAD to have. :)

Zoned...

She LOVED it! It actually brought tears to my eyes to see her SO excited. I love my girl!

Someone Turned TWO!!!....

And someone else was born....

Kadey Maria - April 12, 2011

7 lbs. 12 oz. - 20 in.

1:57 PM

Family of FOUR!

Kenley's first meeting

Kadey-Bug

More on her (and the rest of us) later.... But probably not 6 months later. Maybe. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!!

On this day, I am so very thankful for many things.

I am thankful for my husband, who constantly puts up with me (and my ridiculous shopping addiction). I couldn't have asked for a better partner in my life; someone who truly "gets me"...most of the time.

I am thankful for my mom, who without her I don't know where I'd be. (Well....I wouldn't be here I guess, but you get it.) She truly is my best friend, and I only hope my daughters and I will share the same kind of amazing relationship one day.

I am thankful for being chosen to be Kenley's mommy. There is no better job in the world than being a mother. She amazes me each day with a new word, a new facial expression, a new song...she's full of wonder. I absolutely love minds of children, especially my own.

I am thankful for the opportunity to be a mommy again to another beautiful daughter, due April 19th. It's a GIRL!!

I am thankful to having been born in this country. I could have been born in a much less fortunate situation, but I was chosen to be me...here...in a country that is full of opportunity.

Thank you God, for blessing me with an absolutely wonderful life. I am truly blessed.

And here's some pictures of some of my blessings....